In the 1990 romantic comedy Green Card, Georges and Bronte attempt to learn about one another for the sake of convincing an immigration officer that they are bona fide husband and wife.  They fail, but only just, and because this is a movie, fall in love in the process of getting to know one another.

And yet their story is not so far-fetched.  There is something very compelling about knowing someone deeply, being cradled in the cocoon of familiarity and safety such knowledge can create.  Contemplate the reverse - when someone can't remember whether or not you take sugar in your tea, worse still, forgets your birthday or that you have a penchant for red shoes, then you feel abandoned and neglected.

One aspect of the richness of partnership is in the deep knowing of one another.  Beyond the sugar in tea example to the name of your first pet, how you came to have them, exactly what they meant to you, some of the experiences you had together, how they departed and an empathy for the deep loss this was for you. Knowing that you've always loved train journeys and this emanates from a meaningful one taken with your family when you were a child, going on holiday to what seemed some distant shore. And knowing that one of your dreams is to board the Orient Express before you die.  That these things about you are known builds connectedness and trust.

When Ron is listening to a radio show he knows his wife will be interested in and calls her excitedly to say "listen to the radio!" Angela feels attended to, knowing that Ron is going about his day but thinking of her and her interests.  When Angela buys their groceries, she remembers to get the particular type of cheese he likes then Ron feels attended to and nurtured. As their interests and likes change over time, they each update their internal reference map.  Partnership includes such attentiveness, consideration and knowing.

Such deep knowing involves other aspects of EQ mentioned elsewhere - paying attention to your partner's reactions and deep listening when they share what's on their mind.  This is listening from the heart, being fully present, in a mood of curiousity and wonder, time being spacious and generous.

In his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman, Ph.D. describes this type of familiarity with one another's world as knowing the terrain of the other's "love map."  Such deep knowledge reaps great rewards.  Research shows that many couples experience a significant dip in relationship satisfaction when they become parents for the first time, but those who have deep knowledge of one another and stay current with their thoughts and feelings through the change in circumstances are less likely to be thrown off course.

Some questions for singles to consider:

• are you clear about your likes/dislikes, belief system, values, etc. so that you could explain them to a potential partner?
• are you curious and do you have the skills to listen deeply to their stories and remember them?
• are you aware of any "emotional baggage" you may be carrying that could get in the way of wanting to be known deeply in your next relationship?

Some questions for couples to consider:

• can you name your partner's old school-friends, current friends, work colleagues, family members?
• can you recount the story of how you met?
• can you describe the most difficult and most powerful events experienced by your partner in their life?
• how often do you talk to your partner about their dreams and aspirations?  have they changed over time?